Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's blow job season.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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