haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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