My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
