i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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