I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
