he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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