cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
