Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
