There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
