i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also, beer. Big fan.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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