hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
