i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
