Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
