I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
