I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
