On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
