In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I had to cum in my sink.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
