You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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