I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize