yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
