I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
