Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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