Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
