ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
