Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
