what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
