Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
