So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Verdict: uncircumcised.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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