i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
