I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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