your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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