I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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