am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
