She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
