She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
