im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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