walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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