So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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