All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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