peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
