I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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