Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
