I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
