apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize