If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
