I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i love accidental penises.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
