i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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