Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize