he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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