You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
