ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
