I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
