I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
