the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
