from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
