trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
