i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
