I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
