my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
