some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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