the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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