I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
