i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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