hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
