Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
