Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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