Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
