how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
