Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
