your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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