Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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