walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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