Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
