what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
