the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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