fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
