my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
