I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
