I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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