I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
