I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
