I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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