haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
