it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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