is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
