THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
