You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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