yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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