dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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