Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
