I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
