Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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