I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
As shirtless as possible
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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