But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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