"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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