new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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