sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ketchup is God's man juice
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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