ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
