When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
