I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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